For this guide you need to have a body already

• definition of body in this case according to merriam-webster: “the main physical part of a person or animal / a :  the main part of a plant or animal body especially as distinguished from limbs and head „
• for bodies without limbs check note A. For bodies without heads check note B. We are talking here about human bodies. No plants and no animals were harmed during the writing of this guide

1. Get a bikini.
2. Put on body.

Done.

Note A: if you find your self in the unfortunate situation to have a body without limbs check which limbs are missing:

1. a) lower extremities
2. b) upper extremities
3. c) both extremities

In case [a] you can still put the bikini on your body.

In cases [b] and [c] you will just need to find someone to help you putting on the bikini (same way someone helps you to put on any clothes on this body or any food in your mouth). If the person who’s helping you has objections about you putting a bikini on your body, either ignore the objections or find another person (if you still want to have a bikini body that is).

Note B: If you have a headless body you most certainly are dead (unless you are a cockroach or an alien, in which case this is not a guide for you). In that case you are probably not able to communicate your wish to living people so that doesn’t work. If you are able to communicate your wish, people will most probably freak out (especially if they understand what your wish is) and will run away living you headless AND alone. So you are better off going directly to plan B

You can of course take some precaution before you lose your head like:

Get a bikini.

Put on body before you lose your head (and let it on your body just in case)

or:

Leave a written will for someone to go get a bikini and put it on your body. But unless you are a multimillionaire and make it a clause in the will that without a bikini on your body all your money goes to charity or -god forbid- to the poor, chances are you will be ignored.

 

Plan B (If you don’t have a body)

Well that’s a tough thing. You see without a body you are probably a soul, a ghost, or spirit or something on which bikinis cannot stay attached. You can’t even glue them on yourself. So you need to find a body.

I would strongly advice against your very first thought: „go inhabit a dead body -preferably with head and limbs- and then go get a bikini“ . It’s not because even a dead body does have an opinion -sort of- of what you put on it (especially if it is a dead body of a multimillionaire who made sure everybody will still obey his opinion – or lose all the money). The main reason not to do so is that the majority of humans (and human cultures) do not like dead bodies walking around (regardless if they are wearing bikinis, prom dresses or are totally naked). In 99% of the cases humans will freak out, hunt you and make sure to put the body back in the state of „dead“ even if that means killing you again. You may be confused about an oxymoron of the human behavior regarding walking dead bodies, but trust me, even in these movies and tv series where so many dead bodies are walking, they do so just in order to satisfy some deeper -to me unclear- need of some humans to kill something. Seeing it this way you could be glad that they do it in movies with fake bullets and fake dead bodies instead of killing each other or -even worse- animals.

So, even if you have seen it on TV, don’t try this at home.

I would also advice against inhabiting some animal body -even though I can understand why you would want to live with a dog for a while- because :

1. a) they are already occupied with their own soul – and if not, then they are  dead which is pretty much the same as dead humans. Death does make everything equal.
2. b) they have their own opinion about what they want to put on their body – and the most dogs I know definitely do not want a bikini. A superman cape or a facial mask maybe, but not a bikini.

So your best chance to get a body in order to put a bikini on it is to be born in one. You don’t need to believe in reincarnation or anything like that, just go and find a option to get into a body early enough and to be born with it. In most cases this is celebrated by humans and it’s much more normal than dead bodies with bikinis.

 

Now there are some precautions you need to take. First of all regardless how many times you may have done this before (being born I mean) you can’t say with certainty that finding a body to be formed and born means that you are definitely going to be able to put a bikini on it.

Some do not make it till birth due to a few hundreds of causes, and then some do not survive long enough due to a few other causes (most of these causes are human made, like polluted waters (est. 2,000 deaths a day) , no health care, violence, etc. …. – Still a big amount of humans take birth and clean water for granted. Go figure.)

 

One of the things you have to check before you get born again is where you will be born. In example in most cultures if you are born a male, putting a bikini on your body may mean conflict with your family and your neighborhood, your city, the state, the country. Heck they may even put you in jail or execute you for being a male body with a bikini. And then you become a dead body with a bikini -we talked about it already. In some areas changing your appearance or your whole body (after birth) will make it acceptable to put a bikini on it. But not to use the restrooms! But don’t let that stop you. Maybe what this world needs is more male bodies with bikinis.

 

So the easiest would seem to be born a female. Now I have been in areas where when a female body puts a bikini on, may become a headless female body with a bikini, which -granted- is a form of success alas a very short and painful one and definitely not “easy”. Also see “headless-body” above. But don’t let that stop you either. Maybe what this world needs is more female bodies with bikinis in these areas.

The benefits of a female body in the „bikini body“ topic is that 99.9% of the bikinis world wide are designed for female bodies. So you would have a bigger choice (70% market share), better fit and you can owe a few just to combine. And to make it more appealing: you could end up in a family who will put a bikini on you as soon as you reached the 6 month of your life, or so. Talking about early achiever!!! But only if you are a female human baby. A male human baby with a bikini on it, is even more unacceptable -by the same people than a dog with a bikini on

I don’t want to be the party pooper but in some cases the people around you and their expectations of you (some people love to have expectations on others, none on themselves) may try to make it difficult for you to put a bikini on your body, even though you have a female body, just because they don’t like you (and your body). In this case use the F-word and your middle finger and then go get a bikini and put it on your body. Done.

 

image from http://www.the-romans.co.uk/women.htm